Monday, May 16, 2005
JOURNEYIt's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you
Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through
Cause It's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on cavalry
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feel like everything is out to make me lose control
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you. To you.
if you want to hear this song... then ask me to send it to you online... it's a very nice song; the entire song expresses exactly how i feel inside. today was horrible... tomorrow will probably be worse. but then, i guess there's nothing much i can do about it but just mian4 dui4...
studying isn't everything, right? but why can't some people just learn to understand that... people who are closest to me should know what i feel, how i feel, what i love and what i enjoy... why must they insist on taking away what matters most to me? music is the one thing i do well in without having to put in as much effort as everything else... it is the only thing that has allowed me to survive my secondary school days, the separation with lulu they all... piano, guitar... learnt to love them so much... i don't want to give them up. i don't want to. it isn't as if i don't study. i do. i just don't do well... i am stupid... i can't help that...
have to do very very very very well for my block tests to keep what i love most... but logically, it isn't possible... maybe i should just prepare myself to give up my music. give it all up. after all... what's most important to a student, is her future, isn't it? a future that can only be made 'beautiful', 'wonderful' etc. with good schooling, good degree, good job...
maybe that's just life. you are born and you grow up, with the end in mind. you study hard, you do well, you go to a good university, you take the course that you will do well in; you do well. you go for interviews, get a good job and continue living your life... you get married, have children and the cycle goes on... dreaming gets you no where. life moves too quickly for you to dream. there isn't time for you to waste, especially when you could be doing better stuff... like studying for the block tests or promos... stuff that will somehow help you achieve a 'bright' future...
i am not like my sister. she is smart. she can get into a good school without studying at all for her PSLE... there isn't a need to compare and compare and compare though... i am just not as smart... i only got 6 a ones... everyone else got so much more... practically everyone in hc has 10 a ones. and even if i study hard... i still don't do well. haha. life is a great joke. lesser beings like myself can only dream of getting such grades. wait. i forgot. dreaming is wrong.
lucky are those who can pursue their dreams; lucky are those who have them. but those who want and cannot achieve... it just hurts.
7A-er
9:09 PM
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