Wednesday, March 23, 2005
i have never felt so helpless before. i used to believe that things happen for a reason. the reason why moe decided to abolish the stupid prelim system, was because they wanted to stop the kind of pain, disappointment that we are feeling today. but why couldn't it have been our year? there is no reason in what is happening to us now. if we weren't meant to know each other, then why bother to let us all get so close? why bother to do that when they cannot guarantee that we can stay together?
the question that is going through everyone's mind is the same. can they stay? i really hope and believe that that's what everyone wants - for them to stay. there isn't anything that i can do to help. nothing. helpless. all i can do is just hope. just hope and hope. i can only hope that they stay. even if they aren't meant to and if their future is elsewhere, i am selfish. i am selfish. i don't want them to go. i just don't.
zihao makes me laugh, helps me stay awake during lectures if i sit next to him, helps me with tutorials, helps me with everything he possibly can. we go home together, talk, eat etc. he lends me his shoulder whenever i feel tired. ziping talks to me, sings jay chou songs and chun zhen to me. we like the same things, the same people. she is a physics genius, math genius, genius in practically everything and is willing to help and explain and explain and explain. sherlene. pretty as a fairy. so sweet and teh. laughs and squeals in such a cute way that i laugh too even if i don't understand the joke. liang zhen is my advisor, talks and asks me questions in such a serious way that i feel grownup. he's one of the few people that i believe are truly honest and respect me. very sweet person, though he doesn't show it often. pei rong. does so much for me that i can't put it down here. when you add up all the little things she has done, you realise how insignificant you actually were compared to her. she does so much but doesn't show or say anything. louis, my nephew. so adorable, has such a nice voice and when he sings it makes me feel so happy, he always makes me laugh. his lame jokes are so lame, his songs so nice, he is so nice and so smart... chem whizz who knows EVERYTHING about chemistry.
sometimes i think that if i left, maybe there'd be one more space for one of them, and the chance that everyone would be reunited would be higher. my existence doesn't make a difference but theirs would be sorely missed. then i realise that it is too late to do so. i am not going to stop hoping. there's still hope until there's none left. crying won't help and i will not do it again.
can only hope now. nothing else i can do. there can be miracles. i believe.
i love you guys. i really really do.
mel
7A-er
10:02 PM
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